What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 04:15
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I waited trembling.
Is it because Trump is impulsive that he is never on time?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why in my 60s do I have a strong desire to suck cock and swallow?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Do other British people agree that the UK should reconquer Ireland?
She loved him until the end.
He knew the spot.
And i lived it daily.
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ive learnt so much.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why do men cheat on their wives with someone extremely unattractive?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why doesn’t the UK change their flag?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What is your review of House of the Dragon Season 2 finale, Episode 8?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It was going to be , some day.
All the time i was locked up.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I think the readers, may guess!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I will be 64.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When she asked me how she looked .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was in good health!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is soul school!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
I have no regrets .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She found it foreign!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She wouldn,t have been !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So, i spoilt her more .
Im still living with it.
She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was seconnd youngest,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We were not on the streets..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was 9 years of age.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My life is so biszare .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it wasn’t much.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
My family never makes their pension either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
But ive been too sick for many years..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!