Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Apple’s 2024 M4 MacBook Pro with a 1TB SSD has never been this cheap - The Verge

You are like me, then.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

The sadness was still there.

Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

The nine-armed octopus and the oddities of the cephalopod nervous system - Ars Technica

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

I was tired of fighting.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

What do you think of the Black history lessons in the PBS documentary about jazz pianist-singer Hazel Scott?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Beautiful European women were killed by inquisition but Russia was not Catholic. Is this the reason for a drastic difference explaining why Russian women are the prettiest?

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Life from oceans to savannas explained with one single rule - Phys.org

It’s here now, writing to you.

Be who you already are.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Why do certain religions consider menstruating women to be impure? Where did the concept of impurity stem from?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

And the sadness?

When was the last time you had sex with someone much older than yourself?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

I had run out of hope.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

What can I do after 18 cops raided my home, without a warrant, seeking a person who didn't live there and wasn't there, and also went through all of my stuff? The person wasn't on the lease, and they didn't see him enter.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.